Ya, I've totally lost count X
Anywho, another blog post on the last day of my vow!
I'll be posting the final post tomorrow. I've found out a lot of things while on this vow, mostly about myself. Being silent for so long I've leared to hear everything I think perfectly and I can better understand the inner workings of my own head.
Over the past month I've spoken 15 words outside my safety zones. Most of them were to my rommate and two of them were to Joe. I've found out, through my silence, that friendships forged on silence are better, in a way. Words realy are a bit more troubesome than they are worth at times. A friendship based on words is quick to get started but easy to ruin while Friendships through the written word and silence are builty very soundly, though a bit slow.
There are so many other things I've learned that just can't be expressed in words, things only I would understand because I formulated them through my silence. But Ive noticed that silence comes in stages, just like many things in life. The first few days are enlightening and sobering. The next bit is aggravating. Eventually all of the feelings meld together. you gain a sort of control that you didn't think could happen. I've been screaming so loudly in my head things that I would never want to say in public but outwardly I would be completely indifferent.
It's very peaceful, however, when you're silent. A few people don't understand it but many respect it. You reall find out things about people. I wouldn't be on my vow longer but I expect I will be quieter and more willing to listen now. It changes the views you have of life to something more understanding. Every night when I went to sleep I would hearc so many things, so many small things I wouldn't think to hear before. When in a crowd it's so easy to grab up all the voices and separate them. It almost feels like you can hear everything in the world, though I know it isn't true.
I highly doubt I have gotten the mos out of my vow. I highly doubt I learned what others taking longer vows of silence would. But it has affected me for the better in my opinion. It was a very positive experience, even when things were going downhill. It's helped me to think about the world, other things that otherwise wouldn't occur to me. Nothing big has come to me. I haven't had any major life reralizations bu I feel that all the little things adding tgether really do stack up. In a few years I wouldn't mind taking a half year vow Xp
But that's in a few years.
I suppose, on this last day of my vow I will explore what I couldn't otherwise. I'll go back downtown or something and meet up with a bunch of people and get it known that this is my last day. I'll hang outside and suck up everything I could have possibly missed.
AKA The Dagimal